The Joys and Pains of Being Single

Singleness is a blessing.

Singleness is freedom.

Singleness is an opportunity to grow in Christ in ways we never could otherwise.

But so much of the time, singleness creates unhappiness in my life. And I know I'm not alone here. I can be perfectly content one day and then the next day feel the opposite. I've been asking myself why and this is what I've come up with. 

Bad Theology

We're taught in church that God has created someone for everyone. We get this idea in our heads that we have to get married. We're not taught to have an appreciation for singleness. We read in the Genesis account that God created Eve so Adam would have a help-mate, but then we skip over all of the single men and women in the New Testament. We're not taught about all of the saints in church history who lived a life of singleness - those who, because of their singleness, were able to do so much for the Kingdom of God. We don't look at someone like Mother Theresa and think, "She would have been so much happier in life if she would have just found the husband God created for her," but that's the way we look at our own lives. Because of this bad teaching and wrong emphasis, we grow up longing for and expecting marriage. Our focus turns to finding that person and away from finding God. 

Cultural Norms and Family Expectations

My parents were married right out of high school. Actually, I think my mom was still in high school. Their parents married at a young age, and most of their family married at a young age. In fact, most people they know got married at a young age. It's ingrained in their thinking that this is the norm and that this should be expected of me as well. It seems like every time I go home, someone asks me if I'm dating anyone yet. That's where their focus is, and that's where they think mine should be as well. Unintentionally, they put more and more pressure on me to find a wife, and to find her soon. There is absolutely no encouragement to spend this time of singleness seeking God and seeking His Kingdom.

Everyone's Getting Married
It seems like everyone around me is either in a serious relationship, engaged, or married. Friends, co-workers, family members. Everyone is getting married! It's incredibly hard to be content with singleness when "love is in the air." I want that. I want a girlfriend. I want to fall in love. I want a wife someday. I want the happiness that that kind of love brings. Seeing so many people being happy in their relationships just makes that desire so great that it becomes my focus. 

The Fear of Being An "Old" Bachelor

One thing that causes so much unhappiness for me is the fear of being 30 and still not married. I'm scared of waiting too long and not finding a wife. I'm scared of being a bachelor too long and not being able to adapt to married life easily. I'm scared of the idea of becoming Ted Mosby. This may seem dumb, but it's the truth. I don't want to be in my 30's and still be single. This fear has to be done away with. 

All of these things have made it so hard for me to be content with being single. They cloud my mind and shift my focus. They create restlessness and worry.

I don't think that God has called me to an entire life of singleness. Although, I think for some that is His calling. I have been assured that the direction of my life and the ministry that He is leading me towards includes finding a wife. And for that I am thankful. But when the idea of finding my future wife is the focus of my life, it becomes idolatry. I must trust in the fact that He provides all my needs, and when the time comes and I need her, He will bring us together. Until then, my focus must remain on being content in my singleness. I must spend this time of singleness focused on God and His Kingdom. Anything less than that is sin.